I have been pretty MIA. With the passing of my Son’s Step Grandma, its been pretty much denial for me. And the only way I’ve been able to move ahead is to find a focal point. I have been on the road working on getting my business started. I signed up in May for Pampered Chef, and let me know tell you. Since May, if anything bad can happen…it has. So I have not had a single chance to get it started. So I decided this past Sunday, to go full steam ahead. And I sent an email to my Cousin in return sent me back one of the best compliments ever. I will quote her, “You could sell ICE to a Eskimo!”. I think that right there was my motivation to keep continuing. She also said that she wanted to host a party. I think that is ever better!!!!!

So tomorrow night, I am hosting an Open House to display the products I have. Granted the products are not cheap but they are worth the money. I am in love with certain products like the 5″ utility knife that came with the kit. The way it cut thru the chicken wings the other night, I was outright impressed with its performance. The item I do not have is the safe can opener, which seals or rounds out the edges. My friend Dawn has one, and I felt so much safer throwing lids aways.

But anyways, I totally blanked out here. I got up, walked away from blogging here. Started cleaning house yet again. Why do I forget these things?

First it was the news of losing a family member on Friday sure set me off in a sad mood. But I tried to make the most of it, despite having to live by other peoples plans. That will happen no more. Otherwise I may have to find one of those mover NYC companies and move to a place far, far away. Some place that is warm all the time, no snow. Granted I may miss the snow, but I won’t miss driving in it. I hate the snow even though its so pretty. I remember one winter, we got a inch of snow a day everyday for a month. I don’t wish that upon anyone. It was also around Christmas time, it was the first White Christmas in a long, long time around here.

Well, I am watching the Discovery Channel, and listening to my Son sing along with his MP3 player. He’s singing, All Summer Long by Kid Rock….now that’s my Boy!!!! Minus the whiskey part….lol.

We will get a chance to go swimming because this year I didn’t get to wear my new swimwear very much. So its kind of depressing knowing I wasted this whole summer not doing what we usually do. My Son got his share of swimming though, as he went up to the Dells with his Father. Its a good time for them to get to do that. I am glad that my Son gets that special time with him. It wasn’t always like that. For the first couple of years it was touch and go with his Dad. He didn’t want to spend any quality time with him while he was in diapers. Boy once he was potty trained, he started taking him more. Now, I don’t want him to go cause I know someday….he might not want to come home. But that won’t happen.

So now, I am making dinner which its something I haven’t had in a long time. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Need to find a vegetable though. Maybe I will find some corn, as it seems to go with everything.

Well, I did get a phone call last night from my Ex Mother In Law about my Son’s other Grandma who was in ICU and on life support. She isn’t expected to make it the week, but we all know that things happen in mysterious ways. I was thinking of heading up there but not sure right now.

As I thought before my Ex Sister in law didn’t want a whole lot of people up there because my Son’s Grandpa isn’t doing so well. I told her that maybe she needs to take him back home with her and see about finding some Outer Banks rentals for him. Because he is getting up there in age and of course Mother Nature doesn’t make our lives any easier once were older. Well, we only can make our lives what we can and deal with whatever is given to us. Its life…right?

I now sit here bored out of my mind. But then again, its good me. My Son is having his last year as a elementary student. I am so excited for him as I remember it being so much fun being at the top of the school.

My body is in denial over the summer almost being done. Come next weekend its officially over for me. Once the Milan Indian Summer Festival comes and goes. Its like the end. Next weekend is also the Lil’ Miss Festival and my Niece and Boyfriends daughter are in it this year. This is my Niece’s third time. And I can only hope she wins but if she doesn’t. She still is a true beauty. Her attitude and calmness around people are such a joy. I will be taking lots of pictures too. I have a better camera this year and vow to take ALOT more pics.

About our family member in Chicago at the hospital.

I am going thru a rough patch right now with myself. I am having difficulty getting out of this rut and hating anyone that comes in contact with me. And feeling so depressed is even worse. But I know its all in my head.

Tomorrow is my Son’s first day of school and frankly it scares me on where my Summer went. We only went swimming ONCE. Why? Not fair. Next Summer, is going to be a good Summer. We are taking a vacation no matter what. I may need my Mom to come kitty sit for me though…hint hint…lol. I don’t want to take a very long vacation but a couple of days ya know?

I got a phone call a few minutes ago that they removed the tube that was keeping her alive. Not much else, they asked if she had a living will or a DNR because she was transfered to this other hospital. They are not sure if she is going to make it the night. I am in total tears right now. I may have to get there as soon as possible. I need to say a few things to her. Before she leaves us. Its not easy. My heart is broken.

And I can’t get out.
I am losing patience in everything I do.
I am losing patience in people.
I hate slow drivers.
I hate it when the store runs out of ice.
My boyfriend just pisses me off.
I am tired of pleasing everyone else.
Just tired …..PERIOD.

It seems when you are not working people take advantage of you and think that its ok too. I am simply done. From now on. The word is going to be NO. NO. NO. Not doing any favors for anyone whatsoever. I simply cannot afford to do so. Especially when I do something for someone, expect to be paid on a agreement we had. And of course it never happens especially in a time that I needed it the most. I was supposed to go to Chicago to see a family member who is on life support. And it didn’t happen. I have bills just like the rest of use and anyone who has a house. My light bill had to be paid on Friday no matter what. I used my entire Child Support check which was half the bill amount. Which leaves me with no gas money whatsoever this week to get my Son back and forth to school.

SO until then. This is going to be my life. I am not putting up with no more shit from anyone. I am simply done. And that’s it. Now and forever.

My cellphone was acting all goofy. It kept turning off and on. It was irritating me. I may go online and search for some unlocked cell phones with the ones that take sim cards. I have too because of the carrier I am with its extremely picky.

I wish there was some flea markets around here. I am bored today and would love to go shopping at some flea markets. Well we are about to run to the store and get some groceries. We are OUT. Completely it seems we have a imaginery animal that eats our food. Then again when you have someone that works third shift. He comes home and eats whatever he can find to eat. What a piggy!!!!

At least today we are not rearranging everything around here. Last week when we were moving the computer stuff I stepped on the Cat5e patch cable and almost tripped myself. That’s some pretty scary hair raising stuff when you going down and see a sharp corner in your path.

Yesterday, I was supposed to head to Chicago but with the funds being low, I wasn’t able to go. I am sad because this is something I should of done. Now I am mad at myself. I will find out what is going on. I may call the hospital itself and find out. And let them know I am long distance away and family. I have a right to find out without having to spend all that time and money driving there. Well I have some stuff to get done and get dressed right now.